The first…

“My first consisted of immense joy and then crippling sorrow.” -Thoughts

The doctor’s bedside manner was “abrupt”. I had few other words for it, but have chosen to stick with this one. The sonographer that saw me first was quiet, quiet, but not gentle. My heart stopped as I was overtaken by fear…

Silence… I was instructed to dress, that the doctor would see me shortly. More silence as I cleaned myself, dressed, and moved to the other room. My heart was pounding in my chest, confusion. Still… I did not know. I waited alone in that room and called my anchor who had been patiently waiting in the parking lot. He wasn’t allowed in. My heart calmed as we joyfully spoke of the future and came up with questions to ask the doctor.

She enters… More silence and now I begin to realize that I’ll be asking a whole new set of questions. I shake as I write this part, but I’ll keep drowning if I don’t. “No chance, but you can get a second opinion.” We never saw this coming. There were no symptoms.

New symptom: sorrow.

Author’s Note:

This is a short story about something that happens all too often, something that often goes unspoken. Women feel inordinate amounts of pain and sorrow through their lives and often they are forced to tread these paths alone. This was a very real experience for me and each second of my day is now focused on healing. Love your sisters, your lovers, your daughters, your colleagues, and your friends. Each woman is an ocean… You may never know what lies in her depths. -Hellen M. Barroso


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